Thoughtfulness. Being able to consider others and being capable of clear and critical thinking and decision making. To be reflective, which enables focused curiosity to ensure that questions are not random or unconsidered. To take our time and give others time to think, in short, to be mindful!
Yes! A positive attitude based on intelligent optimism and maintained via the metamodel, fierce conversations and Clean questions.
Reading the Qrest of Words
The quality, process and outcome of our relationships will be influenced more by the questions we ask than any answers we get as we explore the possibilities of our encounters at the crossroads. Qrest (pr. Crest!), is an acronym offering a visual metaphor and a mnemonic that alludes to the Qualities, Relationship, Emergence, Space, and Time inherent in the space that grows between us. It is in that space that we will co-create all our problems and all our potential – one conversation at a time!
Listening to the undulations of a speaker’s words, paying effortless attention to the rhythm of their breathing, watching the blinking of their eyes or plough the furrows in their brow, you might also notice muscles that might be tense or relaxed. As you tune into the pace of the speaker’s speech, the frequency and duration of their pauses and tonality of voice, you could let yourself become aware as their energy wanes and waxes. The pitch of their voice might fall as they plumb the depths of their despair, or rise as they gain insight into what impels them forward. Perhaps they, or even you, might recognise patterns that hold you back? And be simultaneously aware of the left foot moving, or maybe the right one, as the body shifts and fidgets with the ebb and flow of their story and the undercurrents of possible emotions.
And stay mindful of the fluctuations of your own energy as attention is nudged, as a tension is nudged by a particular word or phrase, your compassion hooked by a sigh, your imagination enchanted by a simile, distracted by a frown – or frustration so restimulated by repetition or identification that the flotsam and jetsam of your own history threatens to swamp you.
Thus the dance; each of us drifting this way and that way on the waves of our shared or separate recollections, rising with the highs, or sinking because what one treats so lightly somehow weighs heavy on our minds.
Nancy Kline, encouraging us to create thinking environments by having time to think, says that the quality of our attention has a direct impact on the quality of others people’s intelligence. To resonate with the truth of that, we need only acknowledge our own (erstwhile?) reactions when people’s attention seems to wander. Or consider the significance and meaning we ascribe to being held in their awareness. Or the shock of the barely stifled yawn, the sly glance at a watch, the tetchy, “Are you finished?” or the tactless, and yet somehow refreshingly forthright, “You must have mistaken me for some who cares!” (‘Am I bovered?’)
Those, dear reader, are some of the many obstacles and opportunities that are presented to us whenever we opt, for whatever reasons, to listen to others and to offer the gift – or illusion – of attention, as we engage in discussion, dialogue, debate.
Michael runs a series of Clean and Crafty workshops on, among other things, Supervision, and Life-coaching, (he currently supervises or coaches a number of NLP and Clean practitioners, including Penny Tompkins and James Lawley), Running Effective Meetings, Cross Cultural Communication in the counselling room, the Enneagram, Transactional Analysis, etc. He also facilitates a monthly evening NLPlus in Finchley (next session NPLus and Fierce Conversations – June 4th), and a free e-group New Learning Patterns.
To stay informed of Michael’s Clean and Crafty events or to join his New Learning Patterns group, go here http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NewLearningPatterns/ or email michaelmallows@gmail.com
References
- MAPS = Metaphors Assumptions Paradigms Sensations
- Susan Scott: Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time
- Nancy Kline: Time to Think, Listening to Ignite the Human Mind.
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